Well I need to get down to business about all manner of things at the moment. Firstly I am trying to work out this whole world of blogging and functions etc, so until I have worked it out you will have to excuse my ignorance about things as I walk through that journey of teaching myself what the hell I am doing.
Getting down to business......well by "getting down to business" (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) so to speak it has set me on my path and is the crux of what a lot of my blog will be about initially - pregnancy, loss, grief, motherhood and survival.
January 2008 DH and I were full of hope that the new year was going to bring many long awaited changes for us. We had sold our townhouse months earlier and moved to our first freestanding house and had been trying for a baby. February 13th and the second line in the window showed up and we were elated. It was of no surprise as I had been unwell for a week or so and was very suspicious that I was pregnant. DH had always joked how much he would like to have twins. The funny thing is that I had seen a physic months beforehand and she knew all about our recent move and plans for starting a family. She had even said that she saw twins or two pregnancies very close together. Nothing could have ever prepared me for these facts to of come true. February 14th and Valentines fell at the end of the week and we had booked a weekend away thinking if we weren't pregnant it would be a busy weekend of trying. Instead the weekend was a relaxed and joyous one as we enjoyed our news and daydreamed the weekend away about the fact we were on the road to realising our dream of our family starting.
Fast forward through a few weeks of me not feeling well at all, and having blood test etc to confirm with the doc I was indeed pregnant and off we were sent for an early dating scan. All I can tell you about the moment the pregnancy was confirmed via scan is that I heard the words "there you go there is two little flickers". I, of course thinking great she saw the heartbeat that's what we're here for thanks very much let me go to the toilet now I will be on my way. DH and the tech say no listen one, two Trudie, two babies.......its TWINS!!!!! I just start laughing nervously and then tell my DH that its all his doing, putting all that energy out into the universe talking about twins. I don't remember a great deal else other then being utterly blown away and being told that our babies shared that same sac and placenta and that it was a very high risk pregnancy. Exactly how high risk we learned later on (but I will share that in time)!
With this mind blowing news that we were expecting identical twins the horse had bolted out the gate and every man and his dog knew quickly. We really need not have bothered telling people because without a word of a lie they could see physical changes in me by 8 weeks. I was still trying to work full time and was spending my lunch breaks scoffing down my lunch and then napping under my desk for 30 odd minutes. As the weeks passed by I grew increasingly more aware how much pressure my body was under, aches, pains, uti's. For the main part I tried to accept it all as being par for the course. I was of the opinion that millions of women have walked the path of pregnancy before me and I should just get on with things. I realise now in my naivety at that point it was perhaps a downfall on my part in just accepting what I had been told about my pregnancy. Other then having the tech who did our dating scan confirm it being very high risk I never had my GP at the point sit me down and give me the serious stats. All I knew and understood was that yes I had a high risk pregnancy, yes it was twins and yes I would need to take things a little easier as time went on.
The second last week of May 2008 where I was starting to nudge towards 5 months into the pregnancy is when the enormity of it all started to come into focus.......