Well you've been introduced to Lacey and perhaps you have an understanding how she fits in on the Journey to Bliss. Well our dear Lacey was still a pup being kept indoors when we confirmed two cycles after losing Elle and Meg that I had fallen pregnant again. Lacey had gone from being DH's lap dog of sorts to laying on the lounge at night with her head and ear on my tummy. Being so young and not long weaned from her mother we think she had sensed that I was with child and was now wanting to spend every moment with me and would follow my every move.
Only weeks into the pregnancy and I was back at the docs with various concerns and symptoms and being told yet again with this pregnancy I had an UTI. My doctor looked at me concernedly and said that it was imperative after all that I had been through in recent times that I rest and give myself a chance to get back on top and give this pregnancy the best chance possible. She was insistent saying I must take a further month off work. When it come to approaching work on this matter, although they had been supportive through all my other woes they felt that I really needed to look at concentrating on work or my family. The initial decision was stressful having to confront a change in finances but after what we had been through who wouldn't give it all up just to concentrate on baking a bun in the oven and doing everything one could to realise that dream. So the decision was made that in the following 10 days I scaled my work back and left my job that I had been at for 5 years.
I left my work in November of 2008 and was not due to have my baby until April/May of 2009. Within the first 16 weeks of this pregnancy I had four bouts of bleeding that warranted rushing off to the hospital to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Clinic (EPAC). It was during one of these dashes to the hospital when I was fearing the worse and a repeat horror that I was treated so callously by a nurse. Her job as a EPAC nurse is to see to women in early stages of pregnancy with concerns about bleeding etc. She had access to my file could see my history, my recent trauma and proceeded to tell me after a scan where it was confirmed that the bleeding could not be explained but my baby was fine, that I needed to get a grip on my trauma over the girls pregnancy. She continued to tell me that I needed to learn what was worth worrying about and not worrying about with this current pregnancy and then berated me about how I had taken a time slot in ultrasound that could have been otherwise been taken by someone who's pregnancy was in a lot more precarious situation then my current pregnancy. It is beyond all imaginable belief that anyone, any health care professional could be so cold and callous after the trauma and tragedy I suffered to talk to me in such a way. I was in no mental state at the time to take on a fight with her, people normally don't get away speaking to me like that. However I had to make a decision what was more important; remaining calm and focused on my pregnancy or going to war with her. Don't worry later down the track, complaints were made though!!!!
We decided that the stresses and concerns over this pregnancy and the impact of the girls loss potentially on this pregnancy was something we needed a second opinion on. So we decided to call our grief counsellor who had a few connections on the Gold Coast and was able to get us into one of the best if not the best OBGYN on the coast. We went along to our first appointment with this doctor and spoke at length about the girls pregnancy and concerns relating to the current pregnancy. I spoke to him about my GP's concern of a possible underlying issue of an incompetent cervix. He listened to all our concerns and was so understanding and gentle with us. He explained how he oversees many twin and high risk pregnancies and with well over 20 odd years experience he was confident with what he was about to tell us. He told us from everything I had explained to him it was without a doubt in his a opinion twin to twin transfusion syndrome that ultimately saw my pregnancy end with the girls. We were so thankful that we had finally found someone who was willing to commit to a reason to what happened, it oddly made us feel better and took some weight off our shoulders. The weight that was lifted off our shoulders was also attributed to the fact that he didn't see any reason why the girls loss should have any impact on my current pregnancy, and couldn't see any reason why I shouldn't carry to term.
We continued to see this private OBGYN on share care with the public hospital, he took us on a special case as he knew my emotional stability was a concern in this pregnancy given that I had some bleeding concerns. But ever time I had to see him for a check up or a concern he had the most calming way of dealing with my feelings before I even voice them. I guess so many years experience he just knows the right things to say at the right time. I had the public hospital high risk OBGYN overseeing my pregnancy due to my mental and emotional state and also had the assistance of the maternal social worker. These three health care professional along with a few other staff in the public hospital became an integral part of our support team for the remainder of my pregnancy.
As my pregnancy progressed the high risk OBGN at the public hospital started to speak with me about labour, things started to hit home. Up until this point in my pregnancy I had been non-committal about everything, out of fear of making any decision or choice regarding my baby again and it ending badly. Ever time I tried to think about labouring my baby naturally trauma and flashbacks to the pain and horror I experienced with the girls would flood back to me......EVER time. I was given the option to consider a cesarean delivery and was given a week to give them an answer. After further consultation with anesthetist about spinal blocks due to concerns I have with a back condition, I was assured of being low risk of any issue with my back and an decision was made. I decided that the best option for me to protect my mental health, therefore having me in the best state to care for my baby was a cesarean delivery. Had I never suffered the horror of losing Elle and Meg I would never have ever entertained a cesarean delivery. I have always wanted to be the one to delivery naturally with no pain relief, breastfeed and cloth bum my babes, but some time life throws you challenges and you got to find the best way around them.