I have been a little quite on the posting front with personal matters recently. Although life is pretty peach keen, I've been struggling with some personal matters that impact the kids. The truth of it is that I have been struggling with breastfeeding. Don't get me wrong supply is still good, it's a combination of things that have got me making weaning decisions. Cohen is still feeding and requesting boobie and Sarah is still very much a mummies girl, feeding frequently and through the night and sleeping with us.
As for my health at the moment emotionally things are pretty under control with my PTSD, but I'm having issues controlling some other triggers and lack of sleep impedes on stress disorders like Post Traumatic Stress. Then there is my physical health, primarily we're talking about my weight. Being already slim by nature doesn't help this situation, but I have been teetering close to my lowest weight on and off for months now. I have been doing everything I can to put weight on and keep it on, but with two children breastfeeding it continues to impact me and I'm seriously underweight at present.
Although I am generally someone to embrace my body, faults and all when it comes to my weight and overall wellness it's fair to say I don't like being so underweight and how it makes me feel. So with all these factors being considered I have made the decision to wean Cohen and to night wean Sarah as I'm not ready to end our breastfeeding journey completely. It's also no secret that DH and I would like to try for another baby later this year, but I really need to get some of weight and physical strength and health back.
I am of course dealing with feelings of being a hypocritical after relactating for Cohen and saying I would never make the decision to wean him again and that it would be his decision. But having been through so many emotional journeys in the last 3 - 4years I know how important my mental health plays into being good mum. I'm grieving this process and struggling with wether or not I'm doing the right thing by the kids.