Friday, May 25, 2012

Mummy loves you: Elle and Meg's Memorial Post.....

Four years today.
I never pre-plan my memorial posts each year. I just let them free form. Four years, wow. Four of what has seemed to be some of the longest years and the shortest years at some points along this journey.

I had a session with my psych recently and she wanted me to consider and plan for today to be more than a day that sticks me with heavy emotion of all that has happened. I understood her, and I heard her when she said it. I agree with her......well mostly. I'm such an advocate for therapy, I believe in it, I need it, it's been my saving grace. I'm a willing participant in my healing, and generally speaking if I'm given a task or strategy I like to fulfil it and see where it leads me in my healing......for better or worse, I believe it's necessary.
It's because of you girls I have these blessing in your brother and sister
But I do find myself these days looking for answers to evolve organically to what I should be doing or feeling. I've known since my session I should logically be planning today. But I didn't know how or if I wanted to. You see for me today is a sacred day, it's a day of sadness and remembrance but it's a reminder of celebrations of joys, journeys and possibilities. It's a day of all possible extremes of emotions of which all or none can, would or will happen.

All I know in this moment is I am your mummy Elle and Meg I will miss you and I will think of you until my dying day, when we reunite. I feel your love, laughter and cheekiness in every day through your brother. I know he is a precious gift you guided to us. I see the purity of your hearts and love in the desires and needs of closeness in your baby sister. Most of all in each and every day I see you and I feel you, both of you.

Forever in my heart, my sweet angel babes, mummy loves you.
X

2 comments:

  1. Oh Trudie, this brought tears to my eyes. We're coming up to the 10th anniversary of the loss of our Alex - and it's just been filling my thoughts so much. Thinking of you today.xx

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